The Audio Pages
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 Elliott Sound Products Satcure UNIQUE Audio Products

ESP is proud to announce the availability of some superb audio products from Satcure in the UK.  My thanks to Martin Pickering of Satcure for kindly allowing me to act as his agent for these items.  I know you will be impressed.


syringe Tired of that scratchy sound as the loudspeaker voice coil touches the magnet on peak transients? Use our UNIQUE silicone lubricant. Supplied in a handy syringe with a 0.1mm needle, this applicator allows you to feed the oxygen-free silicone lubricant directly through the centre dust cover of the speaker.
 
Order SIL00784 at £49.95 for 2cc
 
tape
What's the point of buying oxygen-free copper cable if the oxygen gets in as soon as you expose it to air? Use our UNIQUE UV-TAPE to seal the connections. This self-amalgamating tape emits strong ultra-violet radiation which converts harmful ozone into ordinary sea water.
 
Important: Eye protection should be worn when using this product.
Note: Ozone emitted by photocopiers and laser printers can overload this tape and render it useless.
Order UVT0095 at £37.50 for a 2 metre roll.
cable
Oxygen-Free Bidirectional copper cable.
This UNIQUE product consists of twin multi-stranded cores, each of which comprises 45 strands of 0.2mm oxygen-free antimony-copper wire. Each strand is individually sealed with a protective flexible urethane varnish. The double-twisted strands are arranged so that bidirectional current flow can take place with electrons able to move in BOTH directions (electrons move through the copper while positively charged "holes" move through the antimony). Automatically corrects for out of phase speakers. Achieve unbelievable listening quality with brighter treble and rounder bass.
 
Important: Connections should be made in a nitrogen chamber as exposure to air can damage this cable (see UVT0095 above).
Note: Not to be placed closer than 900 mm from strong magnets.
Order NOOX001 at £55.00 for a 30 metre roll.
Aerosol
Ox-Away Aerosol
When everything else fails, our oxygen-removing aerosol spray can solve your problems. If you don't have a nitrogen chamber in which to work, simply spray the connections with UNIQUE Ox-Away before applying our UNIQUE UV-TAPE. As this product contains platinum (as used in car exhaust catalytic convertors) and gold, plus other precious metals, we recommend that you lock it away when not in use.
 
Warning: Contains poisonous heavy metals. Wear protective clothing and breathing equipment if using indoors.
Order OXAW008 at £367.00 for 20cc aerosol.
Battery
Sick of hearing that filament hum from your valve amplifier during the quiet passages? Our UNIQUE Supercell battery uses Lithium Trioxide cells to provide 6.3 volts AC. Fit it and forget it! This battery regenerates automatically when not in use. Gold-plated contacts ensure freedom from crackle. Guaranteed free from Cadmium, Mercury and Oxygen. (Contains arsenic and Lithium Trioxide).
 
Warning: Operating temperature 0 - 30 degrees Fahrenheit. Use of this battery outside its specified temperature limits can cause venting or explosion. Dispose of safely.
Order  BAT6V3 at £49.95
Fibreglass
Kapak wool can improve the sound of your loudspeakers AND protect them from the harmful bacteria that cause the cone surrounds to rot. The UNIQUE blend of rock wool fibre is impregated with radioactive Tritium which causes it to emit Alpha rays as well as actinic ultra-violet. This combination kills living tissue, making it ideal for combatting bacteria.
 
Warning: Protective clothing should be worn. We recommend fitting lead shielding inside the loudspeaker housings to prevent unwanted escape of radiation.
Note: a license may be required for this product. Please consult your local Nuclear Fuels Inspectorate.
Order KAP0032 at £69.95 per cu metre
 
Silicone
Our UNIQUE Silicone Rubber in a handy pump-action applicator is ideal for sealing loudspeaker cabinets. Keeps Oxygen out and Radioactivity in. The special silicone RTV is filled with lead particles, giving it a characteristic grey colour (other colours available on request).
 
Note: acetic acid evolved during curing. May cause skin irritation.
Order SIL0043 at £32.75 for 400g tube with applicator.
 
Filter
Unidirectional filter forces electrons to travel one way! Simply fit one UNIQUE filter in each speaker wire (two per speaker) and hear the difference. Gold plated and mercury-free screw connections.
 
Order: FIL0072 at £27.75 per pair
Solder
Lead-free, oxygen-free, copper-free Solder
In 2002 legislation makes it illegal to sell products containing lead. This solder is a unique blend of tin, antimony, silver and platinum. Guaranteed free from harmful lead, copper and oxygen. Supplied in a sealed container.
 
Gauge: 22swg
Melting temperature: 950 degrees Celcius (number 15 Weller tip required).
Flux: Trichloroisocynate (wear breathing apparatus).
Order: SOL0018 at £36.25 per 10oz reel.

UNIQUE Oxygen Free Fibre Optic Cable
This amazing product combines the known benefits of oxygen free glass single mode optical fibre with a completely new strength member.  Kevlar is the traditional material for this, but is known to adversely affect sound quality.  The secret to this new cable is the use of refined woven spider web (stronger and lighter than Kevlar), in a new technique that cannot be divulged at this time (worldwide patents pending).  Multimode fibre available shortly.
 
Warning: Some venom could be be present in the strength member.  Wear protective clothing, and ensure that Australian Funnel Web spider anti-venom is immediately available.  Death may occur within 15 minutes of contact.
Order OFF0267 at £437.00 per metre


NOTE: Since these products are from the UK, all prices are in pounds.  If you prefer prices in kilogrammes please ask.
  Yes, it's a wind-up! Hope you enjoyed it.


Page republished with permission from the owner (Martin Pickering).  Visit the original at ...

http://www.netcentral.co.uk/satcure/audio/scam.htm
Make sure you have a look at the other (genuine) offerings from Martin as well - http://www.satcure.com


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Copyright Notice. This article, including but not limited to all text and diagrams, is the intellectual property of Martin Pickering and/or Rod Elliott, and is Copyright (c) 1999/2001. Reproduction or re-publication by any means whatsoever, whether electronic, mechanical or electro-mechanical, is strictly prohibited under International Copyright laws. Commercial use is prohibited without express written authorisation.
Page last updated  16 Apr 2001